


soldier

by winterheats



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Angst, Character Death, M/M, Tragedy, War, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-05 16:09:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterheats/pseuds/winterheats
Summary: the beginning of the end, the end, and the aftermath.a short three part series following the tragedy of kang daniel and kim jaehwan.





	1. i. the beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

> title/fic insp ([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwqSAR49BwM))
> 
> wrote this when i was on a real high for angst so this is what came from it lmao its suuuper short. i tried to be as broad and as vague as i could with the details bc 1) i didn't wanna base it off of any actual historical events 2) im lazy
> 
> pls make sure you've read the archive warnings + tags before proceeding.  
> trigger warning for minor suicidal language/thoughts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> __
> 
>  
> 
> _there are painful_  
>  memories in my heart  
> i will never forget  
> 

the draft took place as soon as the war broke out.

his three best friends, one of them being jaehwan’s boyfriend, of course had to go, but jaehwan? he couldn’t. his doctor said he had a physical condition that would severely hurt him if he were to go into combat. 

it was sad knowing his friends had to go off to war meanwhile all jaehwan could do was stay behind and watch things unfold. 

the night before daniel was assigned to leave, he stayed at jaehwan’s. it was a night full of passionate and intimacy. neither of them said it, neither of them wanted to acknowledge it, but they both knew that that night might be their last.

when their bodies could no longer keep up, they collapsed onto the bed and laid there. while jaehwan rested his head on daniel’s chest, his mind started racing, thinking about the possibility of daniel not coming home after the war. 

the thought scared him. a life without daniel? unimaginable. unthinkable. unfathomable. 

unliveable. 

“you have to promise that you’ll come back,” jaehwan said abruptly. 

daniel chuckled. “promise? why make a promise when i can guarantee that i’ll come back.”

jaehwan could tell that daniel was doing that there were he was pretending to be tough to compensate how he really felt. “stop joking around, daniel. i’m being serious.”

daniel’s hand found jaehwan’s and interlocked their fingers. “relax, babe. i’ll come home, you can always count on me.”

jaehwan stayed silent, trying to absorb daniel’s words. he was terrified. 

“i’ll come home, sweep you up in my arms and we can live happily ever after, alright?”

jaehwan looked up at daniel. he could read from daniel’s eyes that he was just as terrified as jaehwan, but his face said otherwise. 

daniel gave jaehwan a hopeful grin. 

“alright,” jaehwan said.

\---

the morning after doesn’t lend itself to being bearable. even though they’ve said their more important exchange of words and goodbyes the night prior, neither of them can bear to say goodbye. 

“don’t miss me too much,” daniel said with his cheesy smile. 

jaehwan rolled his eyes. “come home quickly before that’s all i end up doing.”

they hug one more time. the embrace is tight and compressing. the longer he’s in daniel’s embrace the closer jaehwan is to tears. 

“i love you,” daniel whispered. “i’ll come back, don’t worry.”

daniel walked away with the last image of jaehwan smiling. he didn’t get far before he could hear the sound of muffled sobs coming from behind. 

daniel stopped himself from looking back one more time because he knew that if he did, the sight of jaehwan crying would then be the last thing he saw before going to war.


	2. ii. the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _in my loneliness_  
>  _the last image of you_  
>  _was so beautiful_  
> 

the pain didn’t come immediately. only after a couple moments did daniel fully take in the reality he’s in. 

he looked down at his chest to see a bright red stain blossoming through his uniform. the pain striked through him then, causing him to clutch where it hurt. 

daniel felt the strength of his body weakening. all he could do was lay outstretched on the ground where he was. everything around him, the chaos of running bodies, exploding bombs, airplanes flying overhead, felt like it had stopped. 

he looked up at the sky. it was bright, a nearly cloudless sky. had it not been for the smoke and planes and everything else, the sight of the sky would’ve been a pleasant view to see as he died. 

daniel’s life started flashing before his eyes. first there were the memories he had with his mother, when she dropped him off for his first day of school, when she’d stay up helping him with his school projects, when she cried the day he graduated from high school, when she cried again as she said goodbye to her one and only son as he was about to go to war. 

then came the memories he shared with close friends, those being jaehwan, seongwoo, and minhyun in particular. he remembered how the four of them being the last ones standing in a mini kindergarten food fight got them sent home but united them as friends. there was the time in middle school when seongwoo went on his first date with a girl, which caused him to realize he didn’t like girls after all (one could argue that minhyun was what, or who, seongwoo wanted all along). he remembered when seongwoo got his driver’s license and snuck out in the middle of the night with his mom’s car so he could drive the four of them on a joy ride in the city. he remembered the last night they spent together as four, how they drank and sang karaoke until they passed out, all of them collectively having woken up with the biggest hangovers. 

finally, there were the memories with jaehwan. his best friend, his lover, his beloved jaehwan. daniel remembered the first time he realized he had feelings for jaehwan, and how he spent his entire third year of high school nearly hating sewoon because daniel thought he was who jaehwan sang all his love songs about. he remembered the relief he felt when jaehwan cupped his face and told him straight up that he was the one he sang all his love songs about, and how he kissed daniel immediately after that. he remembered the first time they made love, how it was full of awkward movements and hushed laughter. he remembered their first fight, how dramatic and ridiculous the two of them were being, only for them to completely forget about why they were arguing in the first place. then, he remembered their last night together, the way their bodies moved in sync together, the way they felt their souls intertwine as they gave themselves to each other for what could have been their last time together. he was glad to have met jaehwan, thankful someone like him existed in daniel’s life. jaehwan was kind, passionate, funny, caring, and most of all, loving. 

“no no no no no no no no.”

the voice was seongwoo’s. he knelt down and pressed what daniel assumed to be some sort of cloth over daniel’s wound in hopes to stop the bleeding. “stay with me, daniel!”

oh how daniel wished he could stay with seongwoo and make it alive, but circumstances were telling him otherwise. 

the light from above gradually started getting brighter. “the light...it’s so bright.”

“no! don’t look at the light!” seongwoo protested. daniel could hear him sobbing. 

“think about jaehwan! he’s your light, remember? he’s waiting for you!”

daniel blinked. “jaehwan…” such a lovely name. a lovely name for a lovely boy.

“yes! yes! jaehwan! your boyfriend! the love of your life! your best friend! jaehwan! kim jaehwan!”

daniel barely gathered the strength in his arm to bring out the picture of them together that he always kept with him. with a weak arm, he brought the picture above his face, its’ petite size barely blocking the light shining down on him.

“jaehwan,” daniel smiled. “tell jaehwan…”

“no,” seongwoo replied. “i’m not gonna be telling jaehwan anything. whatever you have to say to jaehwan you can tell him yourself when you get back, got damn it, daniel! stay with me!”

“jaehwan.”

soon everything became numb and daniel’s sense of hearing went flat, completely gone. daniel’s arm dropped and his body went limp.

“i...i’m sorry,” were daniel’s last words before death had finally consumed him.


	3. iii. the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _until i stop breathing_  
>  _until the sun rises above the world_  
>  _i wanted to protect you by my side_  
>  _was born to be a soldier_  
> 

the war was short, but brutal. lives were lost, hearts were broken, families torn apart. 

communication between soldiers and the outside world were forbidden, meaning loved ones had to go through the entire war time without knowing anything about the ones they sent off to war. 

jaehwan however, he had hope. he thought that if he stayed positive and waited patiently for the war to end, that somehow daniel would make it back home in one piece. 

when seongwoo and minhyun showed up at his door, fully dressed in uniform, they didn’t look happy to see him. 

“where’s daniel?” he asked, trying to mask his worry with an upbeat voice. 

seongwoo and minhyun only looked at each other before looking back at jaehwan. 

“jaehwan, we’re…”

jaehwan felt his heart start pounding faster, his stomach doing flips inside him. he was always aware of the possibility that daniel might not have made it, but no amount of time and positive thoughts could prepare him for what he was sure they were going to tell him. 

“we’re sorry, jaehwan.”

“what do you mean you’re sorry? where’s daniel?” jaehwan still asked, hoping that he might be wrong, hoping that they would say daniel was fine, just a little bruised up and resting at a hospital somewhere. 

jaehwan’s eyes were looking between seongwoo and minhyun, looking for some sort of sign that he might be wrong. 

seongwoo pulled out something from his pocket. he hesitated and looked at it first before handing it to jaehwan. “it was the last thing he looked at,” seongwoo said. 

jaehwan looked down at the picture he now held in his hand. it was a picture of him and daniel, one they took early on in their relationship, the one daniel had always kept in his wallet. they had looked so young then. jaehwan wanted so badly to go back to that time, when they didn’t have to be torn apart by some war. 

the emotions began taking over him. he gripped tight onto the picture and fell to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably into the palms of his hands.

“you were supposed to come home!”

“you promised me! you told me not to worry!”

“we were supposed to live happily ever after!”

the tears continued to fall, the words continued to be yelled out. 

jaehwan lost his best friend and his lover. 

a life without daniel? unimaginable. unthinkable. unfathomable. 

unliveable. 

\---

daniel walked behind his friends as they headed to jaehwan's place. they were completely unaware of course, of his spirit following after them. he watched as they tried to deliver the news to jaehwan, watched as the expression on jaehwan's face went from confusion to anguish. 

when jaehwan fell to his knees, daniel moved towards him. knowing he couldn't do anything broke him. all daniel could do was stand there, linger while his lover continued to sob over him. no one could see him, hear him, feel him. he was nothing but a memory to them now. 

despite knowing no one could hear him, daniel started speaking.

"i'm sorry, jaehwan."

"i'm sorry for leaving you."

"i love you."

"i'll always love you."

"i'm sorry."

"i love you, jaehwan."

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/offsynth)


End file.
